Hard times ahead

Monday, June 21, 2010

I think part of the reason why I respect other people's faiths so much is because I have so much difficulty with my own. Religion is hard. No matter who you're praying to or where your pew cushion faces, the committed person will still wrestle with theology (even if you agree with it), doctrine, people and, most of all, God. (Or gods). Sometimes I feel like I have a face-off with God at church: just you, me and the pew in between us. Though when it really comes down to it- you could smite that pew right out of the way.

I was sitting in the back of the church (Hannah, the Lutheran that she is, sits as far away from the pulpit as she possibly can) and throughout the service, I scowled at anything that might, in any form or fashion, be applied to me. The prayers in the middle of our church listed mental health and the people who suffer from it. I found myself not wanting anyone else's prayers or consideration, whether they knew I had this problem or not. Next time, just call my name out from the altar. I spent a lot of time scowling.

Life isn't easy so we spend a lot of time with our deities- we either berate them for the life they have given us or we just fling ourselves down and pray fervently for grace. I am blessed with the religion I have, angry as you may think I am with God. I know how lucky I am with Christ and how blessed my life is, even when it doesn't feel like it at all. The best part about being Lutheran (though you know how I love it so!) is the huge emphasis we have on the grace of God. I spend my week being secretly surly and then I can go to church on Sunday and right there at the beginning of the service, I say I'm sorry and that I humbly repent (I really do, I shouldn't be angry with God- He/She is GOD)... and whatdoyaknow but I am forgiven! Best plan ever. Thanks Jesus!

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