Confidence No. 89

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Normally I wait for inspiration to strike to write something, but I can't seem to decide if I've been uninspired or just slack or afraid to write. I think it is probably the last one. Lately I've been afraid of myself and I've been letting that spread to other people. I'll take the blame for that. Let me explain. There's a book called "Captivating" by John and Staci Eldridge (which I may have talked about before). In that book they talk about women feeling "too much" and "not enough." I'm too emotional and not confident enough. I'm too much to handle and not pretty enough. There could be a million different combinations. I've been struggling with the "too much" side of things. I am always feeling like I am too much. The problem is, people will sometimes re-enforce those perceptions. I've been cowering behind the things I am afraid of being (emotional, weak) and I've been afraid to be myself. I can't seem to separate the bad things from ME. I've talked about confidence in this blog a lot, but I know that it is a constant challenge, not something I can assert once or twice. I need to remember that I am me, a tall ginger who likes to mail things, bake (on my own terms), eat cheese, watch movies, read, color, and write. I can be happy and strong, I can love fiercely, be loyal, and conquer misconceptions. I am all of these things and more. I am all of these GOOD things. I'm going to stop taking nonsense from other people about my shortcomings or otherwise and most of all, I'm going to stop taking it from myself.

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