Dear So and So- please and thanks

Thursday, January 26, 2012

All great ideas are stolen. Here are my letters- thanks THXTHXTHX.com and dearblankpleaseblank.com for the inspiration.

Dear Sugar Cookies-
Thanks for being so delightfully more sugary when there is sugar sprinkled on top!! BONUS!!!

Dear Wedding-
Will you please hurry up? When I got engaged I decided to get married, not spend my life planning it. And why are you so freaking expensive??

Dear Pinterest-
Thank you for being the hands-down, balls-to-the-wall most awesome time suck ever. It allows me to steal other people's creative ideas for weddings, pass them off as my own, look at cuddly pictures of animals, and allow a visual memory of what I find on the internet for a girl who seems to be loosing hers.

Dear People Who Read This Blog-
I thoroughly enjoy seeing what countries you read from and what you like to read. You have made this blog so much more meaningful than when I started it. I do a happy dance every single time I get a comment or a referral. You have made me realize I can make a difference.

Dear Brain-
Thank you for being so delightfully weird. You are creative, funky, and insane. You make me laugh by the memories you choose to bring up and are oddly in sync with Thomas's brain and the brains of my friends. That also brings me joy.

Dear CBS-
Thank you for bringing me all the tv shows that are awesome (Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, CSI:NY, Unforgettable, and The Mentalist). As an aside- can you fix your site so I can watch all the shows that I miss whenever I want? No fair that I can't watch certain ones, but can watch others. That'd be nice. Thanks.

Dear God-
It is very awesome how you rule the entire universe and yet manage to make each person's life fascinating, complex, and perfect in the oddest and unlikeliest of ways. Thanks also for free will.

Dear Books-
Thank you for proving that people are completely brilliant. Thank you for smelling oh so fresh when you are new, all library-ie when I check you out, and musty as you grow old. I plan on having many of you in a paneled room lined with shelves, and a giant comfy chair.

Dear Friends-
Thank you for being AWESOME. I am so lucky.

Dear Menstruation-
I do not like you. It's like having a crime scene in my pants and it's amazing it doesn't freak me out more. Men just do not understand you. I do not like the feeling of having my fallopian tubes squeezed or my uterus being punched. Cramps hurt. I do not like the strange sadness I get from the what-would-have-been-a-baby coming out of me. I also do not like the PMS you bring. Seriously? I'm already Bipolar, I don't need that mess too.

Dear Being A Girl-
While the thought of pushing a huge live human being out through my vagina is not particularly appealing, I do like the perks. I have an excuse to buy a bag, clothes, or shoes because it is a valuable sexism that I hold dear. Plus, my butt looks better in jeans than Thomas's butt.

Dear Toms-
Thank you for being a "winter shoe" in Charleston. You keep my feet warm and you are much comfier than ballet flats with my shorter jeans.

Dear Being Tall-
I can get things off the top shelf. People finally make clothes in long lengths and when all else fails with shirts, I put a camisole underneath you and hike up my sleeve to 3/4 length. Plus, I hear that long limbs are sexy- and it's always nice to have something going for you.

Dear Firemen Down the Road-
Thank you for stopping and letting me out of the gas station parking lot the other day. As you were not in a hurry to save someone, it was so kind of you. And you all smiled at me. I knew there was a reason women liked y'all.

Dear Moby-
Thank you for being a barking, leaping, and boundless source of joy in my life. You make me believe the world is full of possibilities and is as curious as you think it is. On the other hand, could you bark less? My family is harassing me about you. They do stop when they see your cute face and glossy coat though, so you might win them over one day. You won me the moment I got you.

Dear Scotland-
Thank you for having so many awesome citizens. You are one of the most beautiful places on the planet and also having excellent food, Scotch, hiking, freedom, and adventures.

Dear Thomas-
I love so many things about you. Thank you for never letting my sarcasm get to you. Right now I am so proud that you are the furthest ahead in your class and -as a bonus- one of the kindest people I've ever met. I can't wait to get our marriage license tomorrow.

Dear Clock-
Thank you for reminding me it's time to sleep.

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