No. 11- I dislike you

Friday, July 20, 2012

1. Running. Where are we running to? In a circle? Away from the house? Back to the house? Oh, I don't think so. This is also awkward because I look awkward running. My ankles give out, so I look like I'm running drunk when I suddenly collapse upon myself. Other than training for that 5K I put on my List of Things to do One Day. Any volunteers for someone to chase me?

2. Sunburn. Not sun kissed, not bronzed, but pasty pale or tomato. Can being pale go back in vogue? The redheads would appreciate it.

3. Instructions that do not produce accurate results. That macaroni and cheese will never open that way, no matter how many times you try. You will look like an idiot until you learn that you just have to rip the top off.

4. Prejudice and injustice. When will people learn that not all things in life are win and lose? We can all win. Let's be happy!

5. Being tickled. As the comedian Demetri Martin joked, "If they say 'Are you ticklish?' you know they are going to touch you. But if you don't want to be touched, then you have to say something like, 'I have diarrhea, and yes, I am very ticklish.'" Well played.

6. Math. Enough said.

7. Being embarrassed for the fictional characters in movies. No, don't go into the basement. Don't get back together with your ex. Do not prod the large sleeping animal. Don't you know to change when the blinds are closed? Please go back into your house and lock the door. What were you thinking?

8. Dog-eared books. Either remember the page number, remember the chapter, or get a bookmark. I have made some and I lay them around the house. That receipt from the store? Business card? Those will work just fine. Love the books people, love them.

9. People who disregard the clearly ingrained-in-our-DNA rules about childhood. Chalk, lava, pirates, coloring, naps, and all of the other things that well-adjusted adults still do. Don't look at me funny. I like my crayons. I dislike your incredulous attitude.

10. Bipolar Disorder. Oh my lovely mental illness, you didn't think I would forget about you? Oh how can I? You live with me. That's a big DISLIKE.

11. Chewed-off legs. Why is this a dislike? Well, because that thought still haunts me to this day and you will never find my feet outside of the covers. Ever.

12. Bad grammar. Everyone makes mistakes. I do it all of the time. I extend letters in words, I write in all caps, I get my thoughts twisted around in run on sentences, I make mistakes, and I do these things for pure artistic desire. Sometimes. The cartoon above reminds me of the ever-so important Oxford Comma. 

No comments:

Post a Comment