Monday, November 11, 2013
... if you didn't cook a million freezer meals during your third trimester because you were too busy staring at your big fat stomach, asking if your baby if she was ever going to come out, or if you were busy taking naps.
... that you went to Trader Joe's and stocked up on their frozen foods instead. (And there still might be a possibility that you are doing it now...)
... if you dress your baby up in sunglasses and hats for adults when you are out shopping.
... that you squawk and cry back at your baby when she's being particularly fussy (makes you feel better, sometimes she quiets down and looks at you like, "dude! those are my noises!")
... that you looked at your baby's umbilical cord stump -the reminder that she used to be attached to you, and you nourished her- in the first week of her life and thought, "dang, that is nasty."
... that you've turned into a total prude when you watch tv (or go into Target) and tell your daughter, "Margaret, you will not be allowed to wear things like that."
... that you talk to your child in public places (even when he or she is asleep).
... if you sometimes act over-eager around adults because you spend most of your days talking to dogs and a tiny infant. It's justsofreakingexciting to have someone talk back to you in sentences and not barks or grunts/coos/screams.
... to go the heck back to sleep when she goes down for her morning nap.
... if you need some time to yourself. I never would have pegged going to the grocery store by myself as a luxurious experience, but oooh boy is it!
... that you find yourself wishing that you could swing in a giant baby swing, sleep for 20 hours a day, ride in a baby throne of a car seat while people chauffeur you from place to place, and that you get confused as to why your child cries at the aforementioned activities.
... to ask for help. To have someone else hold your child, burp her, bring you some water when you're nursing, or run an errand. It doesn't make you any less of the super mom you are or will be.
... if you'd rather read the newspaper, recipes, non-fiction, or the backs of cereal boxes aloud than children's books every single day (mostly because we only have about 10 children's books).
... that you want to slap that woman who touched your baby with her germy hands. She was probably touching petri dishes of Ebola virus with her bare hands at work today. You are justified.